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How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships?   – On the rocks

What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?   – Leeks

What’s the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?   -  Follow the captain

When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied “off course.”

So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That’s more than can be said for his ship.

I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises – Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.

The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi’s last hooker.

What’s the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia? – Nothing, the bottoms dropped out of both.

 

 

 

At least A is still Apple.

 

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mr-potato

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing.

You’re okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night.

You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she’s going to have a monster hangover.

You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night.

You sigh in relief because it’s all in one piece.

You� circle the car looking for dents and find none.

But .

Wait a minute.

.

.

.

but-print-on-car

 

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The guys at JibJab have come up with another of their great parodies, this time featuring John McCain and Barack Obama. Check it out.

JibJab

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A Trip to Walmart sent in by Carol.

Wal-Mart Trip

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit – shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

Continue reading »

 

 

mr potato

 

 

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a  ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don’t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don’t put your phone extension in your emails to the help desk. We need to keep an eye on the address book performance.

3. When tech support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We’re just testing the public groups.

4. When a tech is having a smoke outside, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who don’t have email or a telephone line.

5. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

6. When a tech tells you that computer monitors don’t have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

7. When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It’s nothing but trouble anyway.

8. When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a setting, read the paper. We don’t actually mean for you to do anything. We just love to hear ourselves talk.

9. When a tech tells you that he’ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That’ll get us going.

10. When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don’t bother. We’ll be there to hold your hand after it’s done.

Continue reading »

 

Be careful where you flash them.

Continue reading »

 

virus cure Here are some common types of computer viruses. I think we’ve all experienced one or two of these in the past. Thanks to Paul for sending it in.

1. Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

2. Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

3. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

4. Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer’s involvement in other computer’s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Continue reading »

 

mr potato This joke of the week was sent in by TomC

Backup – What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.

Bar code – Them’s the fight’n rules down da local tavern.

Bug – The reason you is a giv’n for calling in sick.

Byte – What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.

Cache – Needed when you go to da store.

Continue reading »

 

icon CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471

In order to increase the security of all company computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorized use of these facilities, new rules are being put into effect concerning the selection of passwords. All users of computing facilities are instructed to change their passwords to conform to these rules immediately.

RULES FOR THE SELECTION OF PASSWORDS:

1. A password must be at least six characters long, and must not contain two occurrences of a character in a row, or a sequence of two or more characters from the alphabet in forward or reverse order. Example: HGQQXP is an invalid password. GFEDCB is an invalid password.

2. A password may not contain two or more letters in the same position as any previous password. Example: If a previous password was GKPWTZ, then NRPWHS would be invalid because PW occurs in the same position in both passwords.

3. A password may not contain the name of a month or an abbreviation for a month. Example: MARCHBC is an invalid password. VWMARBC is an invalid password.

4. A password may not contain the numeric representation of a month. Therefore, a password containing any number except zero is invalid. Example: WKBH3LG is invalid because it contains the numeric representation for the month of March.

5. A password may not contain any words from any language. Thus, a password may not contain the letters A, or I, or sequences such as AT, ME, or TO because these are all words.

6. A password may not contain sequences of two or more characters which are adjacent to each other on a keyboard in a horizontal, vertical, or diagonal direction. Example: QWERTY is an invalid password. GHNLWT is an invalid password because G and H are horizontally adjacent to each other. HUKWVM is an invalid password because H and U are diagonally adjacent to each other.

7. A password may not contain the name of a person, place, or thing. Example: JOHNBOY is an invalid password.

Because of the complexity of the password selection rules, there is actually only one password which passes all the tests. To make the selection of this password simpler for the user, it will be distributed to all supervisors. All users are instructed to obtain this password from his or her supervisor and begin using it immediately.

Joke of the Week was sent in by Kilina, Thanks

 

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