Author: Kevin

Government Financial Situation

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and  SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED...

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Plumber Of The Year Awards

Below are some of the award winners from 2016. Great reason for not putting the toilet paper on the roll!   Why we measure twice and cut once. Need a smaller door? Apparently, you don’t want anyone seeing your face, but everything else is okay?   The oak seat is a nice touch, though.   Wow, that’s a long reach. Honey is this the half bath from the ad. The throne room. Hope you are close friends. And the first place award goes to!!...

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2016 Darwin Awards

You’ve been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado, here are the 2016 Darwin Awards: Eighth Place  In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran”, accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.   Sixth Place    While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in...

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Italian Cruise Jokes

How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships?   – On the rocks What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?   – Leeks What’s the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?   –  Follow the captain When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied “off course.” So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That’s more than can be said for his ship. I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises – Wet, wrecked and...

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