Here are some common types of computer viruses. I think we’ve all experienced one or two of these in the past. Thanks to Paul for sending it in.
1. Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
2. Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
4. Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer’s involvement in other computer’s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
5. Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
6. David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
7. Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
8. Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
9. George Bush virus: Doesn’t do anything, but you can’t get rid of it until November.
10. Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
11. Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
12. PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
13. Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism”.
14. Right To Life virus: Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
15. Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.
16. Warren Commission virus: Won’t allow you to open your files for 75 years.
Ok so it was the top 16 types of computer viruses, I couldn’t narrow it down any more.
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